The New Pig Meat Hierarchy

Spam

We know that unsolicited automated email is called "spam".

And now some people are trying to use the term "bacon" to describe approved automated email (such as updates from your Facebook page, or newsletters from companies or causes that you care about). This term is allegedly used because such e-mail is not "spam" but it still deserves a pork-related term because it is automated.

This is a travesty, and one we must fight with every fiber of our being. Bacon is the queen of meats. It isn't some cross between "meat I love" and "meat I hate".

I beseech you all to only use the term "bacon" to describe email that you are happy to get, from actual human friends. Here is a more accurate hierarchy:

1) Bacon: Original e-mail sent to you, and only you, by a friend -- such as an invitation to meet up for dinner, or an enthusiastic discussion of something you are collaborating on (such as a new barbecue recipe, or your father's 75th birthday party).

2) Ribs: E-mail sent to you by a friend, but copied to others, such as an invitation to a barbecue.

3) Canadian Bacon: Important but not necessarily well-received original e-mail, such as from your boss.

4) Ham: Automated e-mail from groups you care about, such as your local LARP or Ultimate Frisbee Yahoo Group.

5) Sausage: Automated non-profit e-mail that you have opted in for, such as from MoveOn.org.

6) Canned Ham: Automated commercial e-mail that you have opted in for (e.g. from Zappos or Staples).

7) Spam: Automated unsolicited e-mail.